Take a minute and think back to your first crush…
I was talking to a parent the other day and she was telling me about her daughter’s recent crush. She said her daughter came to her (I hope my daughter is this trusting in me) and said, “Mom this is crazy…he is ALL I can think about.”
Do you remember that time in your life? A time …
- When you would break 100 yard dash World Records to “coincidentally” be the one to pick up something she dropped?
- When you changed your route to Biology class (and were often tardy) just to catch a glimpse of her as she headed to Algebra class?
- When you would go past her house just in case she might be on the front porch?
- When you wouldn’t dare be caught dancing, but you would go to the dances just in case you got the guts up to ask her to dance?
- When you would ditch your buddies, despite all the ribbing, just to hangout with her?
Now let’s switch gears for a minute. Think about some of the recent conversations you have had with your friends, neighbors, and co-workers about their spouses?
What are some typical words or statements used?
- I didn’t get much in return.
- What am I getting out of this relationship anyway?
- I’m putting more in than you are.
- She’s invested a lot in that relationship
Notice the theme? These are words we use when describing commodities, money, or investments. Things where the only focus is OUR return, not Love.
2 Samuel 11: 1-5
This is the bible story most often quoted when we talk about infidelity and adultery. As a result we get marriage advice like this…
- “I invest in my relationship with (insert your wife’s name)”
- “I set specific boundaries”
- “I consider what’s a stake”
Now this is quoted advice from a notable Christian leader, responding to the Arnold Schwarzenegger scandal. Now, I don’t want to disparage or undermine his advice. But, let’s face, it’s cliche. You wanna know where it comes from?
I took a psychology class in college and one of things you always hear people say–it must be in the Psychologist 101 manual–is this…
“You’ve got to love yourself first.”
No you don’t!
In fact, if your life is messed up right now…I can guarantee you that if you start focusing on loving yourself you will really screw things up.
God didn’t command us to love ourselves first. He said love me first.
He didn’t say this because he is a narcissistic God. He says this, like all of the guidance He gives us in His Word, because it’s in our best interest.
If we love ourselves first…we will be Satan’s for sure.
If we leave room for others we will fall away and fail over and over again.
Recall King Solomon–once he started making room for the gods of his many wives he couldn’t stop building temples and idols to them–he lost God.
Think of the cheaters and adulators you know–once they start cheating they do it over and over, they can’t stop without repenting–they will lose their wife and God.
The REAL SECRET…
Love her as (Christ) loves you [Ephesians 5:25-28]
When you begin to love someone–truly love someone–there is no room to fail them. It will crush you to not have them near. It will crush you to disappoint them. You will do anything to protect them, provide for them, and not fail them.
Christ died because he loved us. He wanted to save ALL of us.
If you love your wife as Christ loves you. Not and 50/50 love, but a 100% love, an I will die to save you love. There will be no room for anyone else.
You won’t even see anyone else in the room.
Okay, let’s finish up by diving into His Words to find the path to success.
Four steps to keep you on the path God wants for your relationship with your wife:
- Cherish and nourish her [Ephesians 5:25-29]
- Be considerate and treat them with respect [1 Peter 3:7]
- Call your wife blessed and praise her [Proverbs 5:18-20]
- Accept your responsibility [1 Timothy 5:8]
Here’s the bottom line…
Your marriage is NOT an investment, a commodity. It’s an ALL IN commitment.
Just like Christ’s Love for you was!
About Bill Rice